Everything Matters

A storm was raging within me yesterday. It passed, as all things do, and left a moment of illumination in its wake. I had spent several hours on this web of mine, writing about the up side of being down, because I've been laid up with a bum foot for almost a week now. Despite my injury and incipient ennui, I looked for the good things that came out of being indisposed, and thought to share them with you here. It was not to be.
I am a technopeasant, and my lack of understanding about all the ins and outs of something as basic as my little web can frustrate me to no end. (Please note I am not a Luddite, because I like technology. It's just that I'm clueless about it.) Suffice it to say, after several hours and numerous drafts of recording my not-so-deep thoughts, I was left with nothing on my web to share with the world. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I was not a happy camper.
So-o-o, I shut down the computer, took a deep breath, and hobbled to the mailbox, where I'd been expecting to find a cheque from one of my acting gigs. I knew a little cash would lighten my dark mood. Well hey! Guess what? It wasn't there! Oh for joy for joy. My foot was throbbing, my neck and shoulders in spasm from hunching over a computer for so long, and now a few of the things I rail against every so often, i.e., computers, the postal service, and no $$$, were proving to me just exactly who or what had the power. Clearly not me. Aargh!
Normally I would have taken a long, brisk walk in the chill autumn air to work out and/or walk away from my fury. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option. Indeed, it was a large part of the problem. Okay, so what else could I do? Drink. That was coming, believe me. But I first wanted to express my rage. After all, I'm an artist, right? That's what we do, express ourselves. Screaming loud and long was the first thing that came to mind. I wanted to run out into the back yard and scream at the top of my lungs. Despite the inner storm that obscured my judgement with big, black clouds, I knew that idea was a bad one. I've got a pretty good set of lungs and I knew neighbours would come running over to assist me and/or be calling the police. So I had no option but to fuss and fume in the kitchen, swearing loudly whilst looking for a corkscrew. I was suddenly stopped in my tracks with a loud bang and clatter from the laundry room which adjoins the kitchen. A metal shelf which supported all sorts of laundry room accouterments had collapsed. The shelf had given way because the screws that held it in place couldn't bear the weight anymore. It had obviously been ready to collapse at any time for quite a while. However, I found it curious that it collapsed just exactly when it did. It could have fallen last week, or tomorrow, but it fell just when Hurricane Penwyche stormed through.
Strangely, this little accident made me feel better. Instead of raging even more as I put everything back in order, I mused about the timing of a seemingly random domestic mishap. I had been so angry I was shaking. I definitely had very strong "bad vibes." If a butterfly can flutter its wings on one side of the planet, ultimately creating a tornado somewhere else, then maybe my palpable rage could make a shelf collapse. With this realization I suddenly felt I had some power again. I no longer felt out of control.
Eventually I put everything back in its place, including my mood (although the shelf still needs fixing), and settled down to a glass of wine. (Okay okay, three glasses.) But my sense of connection to the Universe was back. A minor domestic upset had restored my faith.
The beauty of this little yarn is, that for now at least, I don't feel like some new age flake who writes blurbs on a hokey blog. I experienced first hand that what I think and feel matter, that energy effects matter. One of my favourite aphorisms happens to be the motto of the distinguished Eindhoven University of Technology in the Netherlands, Mens agitat molem. Translated from Latin it means the mind moves matter. If a bunch of geeks use that pithy little maxim as their motto, then it's good enough for me.
-G.P.