The Butterfly Effect

Swarms of magnificent monarch butterflies gather every September in my part of the world before they migrate southward to Mexico. If you know where to look, you can see hundreds of them gathering and feeding before they fly, in great swarms, across the narrowest part of Lake Ontario to begin the migration.
I have the good fortune to live in a house with a colourful garden. Monarchs have been visiting my home a great deal these days, and I've been watching them. My friend Barbara and I spent a sunny afternoon in the garden this past week and watched dozens of monarchs flit and float among the flowers. We sat silently for several minutes at a time just watching these beautiful creatures prepare themselves for a long, arduous journey to their winter habitat.
The summer is almost over (heavy sigh), and I've not really done anything or been anywhere, but it's still been one of the best summers ever. I've spent most of my time writing, going to yoga classes and playing with my friends. If someone asks me how my summer's been, I don't have a riveting story to tell. Mostly, I don't care. I say "mostly" because I'm still living a smaller and less adventurous life than I've always imagined for myself. This can be difficult when I'm listening to people go on and on about where they've been, what they've done and who they've met. It's not just upsetting for me, it can also be oh-so-boring. But when I find myself bored, as opposed to the less desirable feelings of bitter and unhappy, I know I'm feeling stronger and more secure about myself. It means I'm not comparing myself to other people as much, which is one of the things that causes me unnecessary sorrow.
Thank goddess for monarch butterflies. My quiet, contemplative afternoon with a friend and flutters of butterflies in my own backyard was a reminder that I can be completely at peace with myself and who I am - as long as I'm grateful and enjoy what I have, which is plenty. Unfortunately, this fine state of affairs can also make me feel superior, especially when I'm with boring people. And there it is again - more of that odious comparison to other people which is deeply distressing to me. At least I'm aware of it and working on fixing it.
This past week I spent some time with a woman who can't carry on a conversation without dropping names of people, places and things. I know her quite well and believe she does this as a way to bolster her ego and impress others. I'm pleased to say I'm not impressed, nor am I drawn into feeling envious. It's nice to be just plain bored and not bitter. I must be making progress.
My biggest problem with my yappy friend is to keep my cool and not say something rude or unkind when I have to listen to her run on for minutes at a time. She actually makes me choose to not listen, and drift off into my own thoughts whilst looking as if I'm paying attention. That can be a problem for me because I consider listening one of the most important things I can do for my spiritual development. However, the other personal attribute I'm cultivating is patience, and my time with Ms. Yappity-Yap required all the patience I could muster. When our visit was over, she was happy, and so was I. She got to talk about herself, and I got to listen - or at least look as if I were -as well as practise being patient and polite.
My time with Ms. Yappity-Yap was made easier for me because of the monarch butterflies that visit me these days. When Ms. Y.Y dropped another name or mentioned another place she'd been and how many times she's been there, I just thought about my monarchs. And indeed they are my monarchs. The thought of their beauty gracing the back garden where I live soothes and pacifies me. Thinking about them when I should have been listening to her helped me feel better about myself. Somehow I was able to feel just as happy with the monarch butterflies in my head as she was listing her privileges and accomplishments. Although Ms. Yappity-Yap's outer life is by far "richer" than mine, my time with her gave me an opportunity to tap into the inner riches of my own life.
Day-to-day life is mostly minutiae. Most of us aren't living big adventures all the time. But it doesn't mean we can't live a full and meaningful life, because there is beauty and wonder everywhere. Ordinary miracles surround us everyday. If I find myself in a situation that seems devoid of these things, I can call them up from within me. Being able to see and appreciate them allows me to heal, and rid myself of petty concerns. That's why I'm grateful for monarch butterflies. Long may they migrate.
-G.P.