A couple of days before I visited my family for Thanksgiving in the expansive, beautiful part of the world in which they live, I had a doctor's appointment - with my shrink, to be exact. I'd made the appointment a couple of weeks earlier, but on the very afternoon I was supposed to see her, I was having a good day and just didn't feel like going. I cancelled my appointment just hours before I was supposed to go. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't really a big deal, but I was momentarily irresponsible and harboured a little guilt over it. My shrink is a busy lady and deserves more respect than that. But I very quickly put aside any guilt and managed to enjoy myself for the rest of the day anyway. Okay. So far, so good. But not for long.
The very next day I was preparing to go up north to visit my family and buying this and that for the weekend ahead. I needed a couple of pumpkin pies because I was also in
vited to a friend's place after Thanksgiving with my family. I rushed about, distracted and overwhelmed with all the last minute arrangements. I purchased the pies at a local bakery and noticed that they also had home-made cabbage rolls for sale. This was a good thing, because a number of weeks earlier I had promised my beloved Gita Tant (one of the family members I was about to visit) that I'd get her some cabbage rolls. A while ago she'd visited me in the city where I live and raved about how wonderful they were. Gita Tant had been feeling quite ill and eating the cabbage rolls had lifted her spirits, so I'd promised her I'd bring some of them up to her next time I visited. So ... there I am in the bakery, rushing around doing last minute bits of business and considering the cabbage rolls. I was so bogged down with all my errands that I just didn't feel like adding one more thing to the list. I figured since Gita Tant and I hadn't spoken for a month she probably wouldn't remember the cabbage rolls anyway, so I thought I'd just skip them. Big mistake.
vited to a friend's place after Thanksgiving with my family. I rushed about, distracted and overwhelmed with all the last minute arrangements. I purchased the pies at a local bakery and noticed that they also had home-made cabbage rolls for sale. This was a good thing, because a number of weeks earlier I had promised my beloved Gita Tant (one of the family members I was about to visit) that I'd get her some cabbage rolls. A while ago she'd visited me in the city where I live and raved about how wonderful they were. Gita Tant had been feeling quite ill and eating the cabbage rolls had lifted her spirits, so I'd promised her I'd bring some of them up to her next time I visited. So ... there I am in the bakery, rushing around doing last minute bits of business and considering the cabbage rolls. I was so bogged down with all my errands that I just didn't feel like adding one more thing to the list. I figured since Gita Tant and I hadn't spoken for a month she probably wouldn't remember the cabbage rolls anyway, so I thought I'd just skip them. Big mistake. Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's went well. Everything was warm and fuzzy, the food was delicious and plentiful, and Gita Tant was there, as I knew she would be. After dinner, as family and friends sat around talking and digesting dinner, Gita Tant asked me about the cabbage rolls. Sheesh. I felt like a heel. And then I compounded my sin even more with a lie, because I told her it had just completely slipped my mind. To make matters worse, she'd really been looking forward to those cabbage rolls. Although she's a marvellous cook, cabbage rolls are so labour intensive that her indisposition made it difficult for her to prepare them. So she dreamt of the cabbage rolls I'd promised to bring. Aargh!
The next day was warm and sunny. The rolling hills were ablaze with the fiery colours of fall. I went for a walk on a country road and watched a dozen or so turkey vultures spiralling around on thermal updrafts, searching for carrion as they made their way southward to their winter home. The birds were magnificent. One of them left the others and seemed to be following me as I walked down the road. Watching these wonderful creatures would have been exciting at any time, but it's especially significant these days because the vulture is my totem for this autumn. On the full moon of the autumn equinox I had drawn the vulture from my totem/tarot deck. I do that particular little bit of divination every solstice and equinox to determine what animal will have the most to teach me in the following three months. Although vultures are ugly birds, I still admire their grace and beauty as they soar through the air, and appreciate the vital role they play in maintaining the fragile balance of nature. They dispose of carrion. They gobble up death so that they may live. The vulture is the what does not destroy me makes me stronger totem.
My purpose for using the tarot designed by Ted Andrews was to divine my seasonal totem only. However, it just so 
happens that Mr. Andrews designated the vulture to the tarot card called The Tower, which is my least favourite card of the entire deck. It is about revelation that strikes like lightning and sends a person tumbling and crumbling to rubble before she emerges smarter than she was before. Despite the dreadful significance of the tarot meaning, I wasn't concerned. I was looking for my totem, and chose to ignore the corresponding meaning in the tarot. I'd been on the lookout for vultures for weeks since the equinox, and lo and behold they appeared to me on Thanksgiving. I was thrilled, and felt certain that something momentous was afoot. Boy oh boy I was sure right about that.
happens that Mr. Andrews designated the vulture to the tarot card called The Tower, which is my least favourite card of the entire deck. It is about revelation that strikes like lightning and sends a person tumbling and crumbling to rubble before she emerges smarter than she was before. Despite the dreadful significance of the tarot meaning, I wasn't concerned. I was looking for my totem, and chose to ignore the corresponding meaning in the tarot. I'd been on the lookout for vultures for weeks since the equinox, and lo and behold they appeared to me on Thanksgiving. I was thrilled, and felt certain that something momentous was afoot. Boy oh boy I was sure right about that.Only a couple of hours later I was back at my sister's and unintentionally upset my brother-in-law. It was a minor, insignificant incident, but his irritation was palpable. I was chastened and upset for the rest of my stay. A perfectly good weekend was ruined.
That was only the beginning of karma in action. By the end of the week I was witness to and unwilling participant in several blow-ups and blow-outs that seemed to erupt out of nowhere and land squarely on me. Because of the incident at my sister's, I'd made a point of being quiet and stayed out of other people's way all week, but karma found me anyway and used a dump-truck to make its unwelcome deliveries. It was a horrible, horrible time. The peaceful life I am always seeking was nowhere to be found.
It's now a couple of weeks later and I've one less friend in my life. (That's my choice, and not an easy one.) I've paid dearly for my selfish, thoughtless actions in the days before all this karmic justice began. Although my behaviour following my mistakes was humble and unobtrusive, it didn't matter. The damage was done, and the Universe let me know it.
I'm not entirely sorry it happened now. I've learned a profound lesson, and believe that it's changed me forever. Now that the whole business is safely in the past, I'm actually glad it happened. I clearly needed to be reminded about something I've long believed - and if you've been reading my blurbs for a while, you know what it is - that what goes around, comes around.
So there it is - a happy ending to a sad tale. It's a happy ending because it's reaffirmed what I believe. It proves my faith is true, and that's not bad at all.
- G. P.
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