Feeling Fine

Some days I feel as fragile and fine as my name.  This is one of those days.  But spider webs are far stronger and more resilient than they look.  They literally "hang in there" during strong winds and rain, and sparkle with dewdrops that are far heavier than the delicate threads that hold them up.

I visited a seer for spiritual healing a few weeks ago.  I had barely sat down beside her when she told me I had crossed over from the fairy realm.  For a brief moment I wondered if what she said to me was the sort of stuff she said to everybody.  After all, her clients must surely be spiritual people, prone to belief in other worlds.  But the yoga teacher who recommended her to me assured me that's not what she says to everyone who sees her.  She speaks specifically and personally to whomever goes to her for healing. That's why I was blown away with her very first words.
Jarmila, the extraordinary healer I visited, saw right into me.  It doesn't matter that I'm not literally a changeling - a fairy child left in place of a human child during infancy - she was referring to the inner workings of my heart and soul.  She described the history of my inner life, and brought me back to my roots - my fairy roots.  Even now I feel a bit foolish and flaky saying that, but I can't deny that I've had a life-long obsession with fairies and otherworldly spirits.
Jarmila knew absolutely nothing about me when I first met her; not even my name.  Yet I felt totally transparent as I sat with her, though not the least bit exposed or vulnerable.  Despite her penetrating glimpse into my very being I felt completely safe.
At first I wasn't sure how my visit with this gifted seer healed me.  I was impressed by her prescience for sure, but didn't know how it could help me.  It took me several days to figure that part out.  Jarmila gave me permission to be myself.  Many years ago I made a vow that I would seek out beauty and magic wherever I may be, and if I'm in a place or situation that seems devoid of these things, I will create them.  It became a mantra of mine. Well, wouldn't you know, Jarmila told me that, too.  "You have magic," she said, "and you crave beauty."
Wow.  Her jaw-dropping insights pleased me.  It was great to hear that I have magic from the likes of Jarmila.  She's about as magical as they come.  But genuine healing happened because she acknowledged the real me, and valued my fears and insecurities as well as my strengths.  Everyone wants to know that their true self is worthy and good.
Jarmila is the second seer I've met who has helped me love myself just as I am.  The first one was Kusali Devi, the living goddess I met in Nepal.  My fears of being ordinary or being deemed flaky dissolved with both these shamans.  They reaffirmed my belief in magic and myself.

My desire to live a magical life will never die.  It's part of who I am.  But sometimes my faith wobbles. After all, I'm only human. (Or maybe I should say partly human!)  This morning doubt was creeping its way back into me, so I set out to stabilise myself by writing this blurb.  Writing forces me to think clearly; and now that I've remembered Kusali and Jarmila's words I feel comforted.  I know that the fragility I felt when I began writing these words was actually sensitivity to things unseen, or unrecognised.  That sort of sensitivity isn't always easy, and can sometimes hurt.  But it's another way to find beauty and magic.  The American pshychotherapist David Richo says it best:  Our wounds are often the openings to the best and most beautiful part of us.  
Blessed be.
- G.P.