Underground Angel

While riding the subway home from work recently, I was suddenly aroused from my mid-afternoon stupor by a young black woman loudly proclaiming something-or-other as she walked up and down the subway car.
“Uh-oh,” I thought, “another out-patient who forgot to take her meds.”  My reaction was basically the same as the numerous other passengers on the car.  Most of us looked up to see what was going on, and then quickly looked away so as not to make eye contact with the “loon” who was making a scene.  The young woman persisted in her rant, so I couldn’t help stealing glances until I finally settled into watching her do her thing, even if it meant catching her eye.
As soon as I began to pay genuine attention it was obvious she wasn’t mentally off-balance.  In fact, she was anything but.  She was well groomed, nicely dressed, and completely focused.  She had a story to tell with a serious message.
“I’m speaking to all of you today because I know that there’s at least one of you who woke up this morning and wondered if it was worth it,” she began.  “You wondered if there was any point in getting out of bed and pretending that you cared about anything.”  She spoke with authority and passion.  “And just maybe one of you even considered ending it all.”
Wow.  Those were mighty powerful words to hear on what began as another ho-hum, Sunday afternoon subway ride.  It occurred to me that perhaps she was a performance artist.  She certainly had the conviction and presence for it.

“It’s not about your age, or gender, or the colour of your skin,” she said, “it happens to all kinds of people everywhere, and they show us who they are every day and all over social media.  You know that selfie you see on Instagram of a beautiful teenage girl who looks so bright and happy?  That’s one tiny moment of her life when she faked a smile and looked good long enough to snap a picture of herself.  Then she posts the picture so everyone can see just how awesome she is.  And after she’s put it out there she collapses into her bed and cries and cries and cries.”
The young woman on the subway wasn’t talking about a situation I’ve personally experienced, because I’m not part of the selfies and social media generation.  But I’ve certainly felt the emotions she was describing.  It was as if she’d been spying on me that very morning and boarded the subway car to deliver her message especially to me.  It was a thrilling shot of synchronicity.
Despite the deep, uncomfortable truths the young woman shared, I could see that there were still a number of passengers who refused to pay attention to her.  I wondered if they weren’t listening because they still judged her to be another nut case who was making a scene in public. Or maybe they were just too embarrassed to look up and reveal that they were actually taking notice.  But that wasn’t the case for everyone.  I noticed murmurs and nods of approbation from several people who were obviously tuned into what she was saying.  I heard a mother, sitting with her pre-adolescent daughter, whisper “right on” as she held up her smartphone to video the spirited young woman.

“Haven’t we all been there?” our heroine went on to say.  “Haven’t we all known days like that?  And haven’t we seen with our own eyes and hearts others just like us?  Know this, good people, you are enough.  I’m 22 years old, and let me tell you, I know for sure that you are enough.”
I wanted to cheer, but I didn’t possess the courage that the lovely subway speaker displayed.  She repeated you are enough so many times that it became a mantra.  I’m old enough to be that girl’s grandmother, and I couldn’t help marvelling that such gutsy, wise words came from one so young. 
Perhaps she was the girl in the selfie she spoke about, or knew someone who was.  I don’t know if she was a performance artist or not, but she was certainly an advocate for mental health care.  And she had the courage to board a subway car in the biggest city in the country, full of all kinds of people from all walks of life, and spread a message of hope and self-worth to anyone who cared to listen.            
In keeping with my beliefs and the way things work in my universe, I know that it wasn’t mere coincidence that she took her personal mission unto the very car where I was seated on that exact day.  Although my circumstances aren’t as dire as the ones she described when she first began to speak (I don’t want to “end it all”), her words touched me deeply.  I also believed her when she said I was enough.

That brave and beautiful stranger also helped at least one other person that day.  While she was still in performance mode a slightly scruffy, middle-aged man got up to get off at his stop.  Before leaving the car he walked right up to her and gave her a long and loving hug.  She returned it in kind.  The man’s act of gratitude encouraged me to address her as well when it came time for me to exit the train.
“Thank you,” was all I said.
She took my hand and held it for a moment.  “God bless you,” she replied with a smile meant just for me.  Her parting words confirmed a growing suspicion I had as I was listening to her.  I’d encountered an angel.
- g.p.