A Time for Tears

Karma rocks.  It's reassuring to know that what goes around comes around, sooner or later.  I almost always experience the inevitable return of words and deeds, both good and bad, sooner rather than later.  That's a good thing.  It keeps me accountable for my actions.  When I've screwed up, karma lets me know just how badly, and then puts me on the road to setting things right.  Sometimes that means a simple, sincere apology, and at other times some serious focused action to make amends.

Last night, thanks to an ancient sacrum/hip injury, I was unable to sleep because it was acting up again - big time.  I deserved that sleepless, painful night because I'd been a horrible person at work all day.  I was bitchy and even mean, and my karma was almost immediate.
I'm not normally a mean-spirited person, but I was trying very hard not to cry, and that part worked.  I didn't cry all day for the first time in weeks.  Crying isn't necessarily a bad thing.  It can serve as a release of tension and fear.  But instead of releasing my anxieties through tears, I unleashed them on a friend as well as a couple of strangers.  I behaved in a way that is not conducive to maintaining good relationships, or my job.
A good night's sleep might have reset my system, but no such luck.  The karma dump truck was on hand to fulfill its duty.  When I finally crawled out of bed, bleary-eyed and sore, I knew exactly why I'd had a painful, sleepless night. 
There are a very few coincidences in my life, and I like it that way.  The first thing I did was have a really good, purgative cry.  Then I apologised via email to a friend at work I'd slighted.  Yoga would certainly have helped my mood, but I was physically exhausted and my hip was, and still is, too sore and stiff for a physical workout.  But it's a glorious spring day out there, so I treated myself to a big, fat breakfast at a local diner instead.  Then, as a sign that I forgave myself, I bought a bouquet of flowers.  Now I'm writing this blurb.

I'm taking full responsibility for my actions.  I'm going to cry if I need to cry.  I'm not ashamed to shed tears - embarrassed maybe, but not ashamed.  Shedding tears softens the heart.  But yesterday I didn't allow myself to weep, and ended up feeling frustrated and blocked.  The tears I withheld turned into anger.
I shall end this blurb with one of my all time favourite quotes from Charles Dickens, one of the most quotable writers to grace the  English language...
Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. 
- G.P.