This horrible affliction, which is actually celebrated on this day, began in the land to the south, and about five years ago made its way north to these here parts. Unfortunately, I don't think it can be stopped. And worse than that, I must work in a business called retail (gotta pay the rent!) that forces me to encourage the spread of the virus. I forgot to book the day off in advance, and now I must participate in a pastime that is against my religion. (That's the reason I would use if I'd remembered to request the day off. If anyone asked me what religion that was, I'd probably reply with something like minimalism. And why not? After all, infected people religiously beat down the doors of retail outlets every year on this darkest of all days.)There is a reactionary movement to this day that asks people to buy nothing; hence its name - Buy Nothing Day. I've been marking that day for my entire adult life on the equivalent of Black Friday in this part of the world. It's the day after Christmas and it's called Boxing Day. I have already requested the day off, as I have every year, citing reasons already mentioned.
I'm worried I will come down with something today, but it won't be the insatiable urge to shop 'til I drop. It will most likely be a combination of shattered nerves and despair for humanity. Fortunately, at the end of what will no doubt be an interminably long, loud, frantic day, I will self-medicate by consuming a little too much wine. Okay. So I'm not perfect. I'm going to consume today, too. But it's my way of making the end of a dark day just a little brighter, for just a little while.- G. P.
