Friday, March 11, 2016

Singing the Body Electric

This morning I woke up with a cold sore on my lower lip. It wasn't there when I went to bed last night.  But the pursed lips, clenched jaw, and furrowed brow I've been waking up to for over a week now still were.  Lately my night life has been peppered with disturbing dreams of resentment and unexpressed anger. 
I find that practising yoga is effective for  relieving these frustrations and worries, so the first thing I've been doing every morning is practising what I call "face yoga."  I've been stretching the muscles in my face and gently massaging my jaw and forehead to release the tension that's stuck there.  So I'm not entirely surprised about the appearance of the cold sore. 
Cold sores can be a physical manifestation of angry words that either have been spoken aloud, or quietly supressed.  In my case it's the latter, which means that my anger was bound to burst out sooner or later, one way or another.
I've been getting cold sores - clinically known as herpes simplex - since I was a young girl.  Cold sores, also known as fever blisters, can be caused by excessive sunlight, fever, or stress.  There are a number of ways stress can manifest in the body: high blood pressure, head aches, insomnia, diarrhea and constipation are some of the more common symptoms.  Grinding teeth and a clenched jaw are also indicative of stress, which I had for the week before my cold sore popped up.  All my symptoms, including the tightly pursed lips, were centred around my mouth, the human instrument of speech.  Signs of stress could have turned up anywhere in or on my body in a variety of ways, but the stress I've been experiencing was about being unable to express myself.  So it makes perfect sense that my anger erupted as a cold sore on my mouth, whence issues thoughts and feelings uttered out loud.  It's the wonder of the body/mind connection.
The body speaks louder than words, and is a billboard for some of the most important signs that have shown up in my life.  Although I can't say I like having a cold sore, it still makes me marvel at the intelligence of the body and all the signs and symptoms it conveys.  The cold sore on my lip is much more than a virus.  It tells me exactly how I'm feeling, and that suppressing those feelings isn't good for me. Unfortunately I just can't cut loose with my anger, it would only create more conflict.  I know it wouldn't clear the air but clog my soul instead.  So I have to find another way to quell my righteous indignation.  And I have, right here on my little web.
Okay, I'm not specifically ranting about what's bugging me, but I'm expressing myself nonetheless. The proper use of words for speaking my mind is important to me.  Who knew that a blister on my mouth could give me another reason to write?  It's a gift. 
I know that may sound preposterous, but hey, I'm a magical thinker, and find magic in the most unlikely places.  It's a lot more fun to attribute metaphysical significance to something as unpleasant as a cold sore than to simply write it off as a stress induced virus.  Besides, I happen to know I'm right.  The resonance I feel within  allows me a certainty I can't otherwise explain.  And that makes me feel better.  So I must be right.  Right? 
If I were able to offer tangible evidence that what I say is so, then it wouldn't be magic.  It would be boring, and I hate boring.  So I shall conclude this little opus with the wise and skillful words of poet Mary Oliver.  Although she isn't a magical thinker, she's most definitely a deep one...
What wretchedness, to believe only in what can be proven.
Blessed be.
- G.P.