In the Zone

Moving out of one's comfort zone is supposed to be a good thing.  It's about challenging yourself.  Doing something you've never done before.  Learning something new.  Although I can't say that every day I do something I've never done before or learn something new, I feel as if I get out of my comfort zone just getting out of bed in the morning.  And I do that every day.

That's right, almost every single morning I struggle to leave my bed.  It's not because I don't want to face the day ahead, but because I feel so safe and comfortable between the sheets.  I like it there. 
It hasn't always been that way.  I've had long periods of time when I experience nightmares and fitful sleep.  But not lately.  Nowadays, for a couple of hours before I rise I enjoy deep sleep or pleasant moments of that blissful state between waking and slumber.  It feels wonderful.  The strange thing is, I used to feel exactly the same reluctance to get out of bed when I was mired in depression.  Go figure.
Maybe I'm having trouble getting out of bed because it's just plain easier to stay there and do nothing.  But I'm honestly not that lazy or irresponsible.  Honest I'm not.  Or maybe it's some residual stuff from years of being afraid to face the cold, cruel world out there.  But I know better than that now.  It's simply that I just really, really like lingering in bed and often wish I could stay there all day.
One thing's for sure, though - I have to reframe my thinking.  Even at the best of times, I consider life to be hard.  And I'm in good company, because Buddha himself thought so too, and ended up creating an entire religion to deal with it.  Although I'm not about to found a new faith to ease the trials and tribulations of this mortal coil, I've found another way to help me get out of bed every day.
I'm a writer, and words are a writer's main tool.  So I've decided to reword my beliefs about being human.  Instead of thinking of life as hard, I now consider it a challenge.  I don't mind a good challenge every now and then, especially if it's rewarding; and surely nothing is more rewarding than rising up to live a good life.
I still cherish those precious minutes between waking and pulling myself out of bed as much as ever. They remind me of being in the womb or soaking in a warm bath.  But I know I can't stay there forever - at least not on this plane of existence.  Maybe those still, peaceful moments are some of the rewards for owning up to the challenges of leaving my comfort zone.  I guess I must be doing something right when I'm out there facing life head on, because it feels so good when I'm not doing anything but feeling good.
- G.P.

Mission Accomplished

I woke up feeling cranky today, and I don't know why.  Maybe it's the inhumanely hot, humid weather we've been having in these here parts.  Or maybe not.  But writing slows me down and forces me to think clearly, especially when I know others will be reading what I've written.  So here I am.
As soon as I made the decision to write this little blurb, a blue jay began to cry in that steely, high-pitched, slightly grating way they have.  Despite the sharp edge of its call, I find the sound comforting, because it reminds me of the best of my childhood - growing up and playing in gentle, temperate woodlands.  The blue jay outside my window has persisted in calling to me for several minutes, perhaps advising me that expressing myself right now is a good idea.  That's one of the meanings for Blue Jay as spirit guide - communication.
In the few short minutes I've been typing out these words my surly mood has subsided.  I don't feel the need to complain anymore.  Another way to turn a bad mood around is to express gratitude.  Therefore I'd like to thank Saraswati, Hindu goddess of learning, the arts, and communication, as well as my feathered friend who's still cackling outside my window, for helping me return to a place of equanimity.
Just the fact that I can write at my desk and pause for a moment to look out my window at a lovely garden is even more reason to feel gratitude.  I do this almost every day, yet I still frequently dwell on what I lack.  I have enough, and as the ancient Chinese saying goes, enough is as good as a feast.
Enough said.
I feel better now.
Blessed be.
- G.P.