Up Shit Creek

How does hoarding toilet paper prevent the spread of the coronavirus?  It's a disease of the upper respiratory tract.  I don't see the connection.
I was getting low on toilet paper, so yesterday morning I went to the local drug mart for more.  When I got to the store there wasn't a single roll of toilet paper to be had.  The shelves were Mother Hubbard bare.  And the facial tissues were gone as well. 
Fortunately, there were a couple of  large, unpacked cardboard crates with boxes of facial tissue nearby.  A man was pulling out box after box to load up his shopping cart until it was almost full.  He was moving so quickly and urgently I had trouble reaching around him to pick up a box for myself.  I think I must have contracted some kind of panic disorder from him, because I soon realised I was gathering numerous boxes of facial tissue myself.  After loading six boxes into my basket, I suddenly stopped and wondered what the hell I was doing.  Is stupidity really contagious?  Did I really think that having an excessive supply of toilet paper would keep me safe from covid-19?  I felt embarrassed by my ridiculous behaviour and glowered at the customer who infected me.
Sure, realising you're out of toilet paper whilst actually sitting on the toilet can be a bummer.  (Pardon the bad pun, but it's no less stupid than the nonsense that spurred this rant.)  Running out of toilet paper happens all the time.  But is that worse than covid-19?  Shit no!
So what's going on?  Maybe the people who are stocking up are planning on quarantining themselves for a while.  Surely they have friends or neighbours who are still healthy or brave or informed enough to venture out into world and purchase some supplies for them. I know I would, but then maybe I'm a fool.  But no physical contact is necessary for such a plan.  Texting or phoning obviates  the problem.  I just don't get it.
After a moment's calm reflection, I put three of the six boxes back.  And the only reason I kept three was I didn't know how long it would be before the shelves were restocked.  Even if it was only a couple of days, which a store employee later confirmed, I wasn't sure I'd be able to beat the frenzied run on toilet paper once it arrived.

My momentary lapse into pointless, irrational behaviour at the drug store left me completely nonplussed.  By the time I got home I'd shaken off my private shame, only to find an email cancelling a writers' meeting that was scheduled for the library of the building where I live, which is a community residence designated for artists of 55 years or older.  As far as I can tell, my four fellow residents feel fine, and aren't exhibiting any symptoms of anything worse than eccentricity.  I also know them to be responsible enough that if they were, they'd take precautionary measures and inform the rest of us living in the building. 
After reading the email, I was left feeling as if my home doesn't meet minimum standards of health and safety, and is occupied by enfeebled, unaccountable old folks.  I'm pleased to say that's just not true.  Otherwise I wouldn't choose to live here.  Nevertheless, given the world wide reaction to the current health crisis, I understand why the meeting was cancelled.  I only wish it hadn't happened so literally close to home.  I would have preferred someone else's residence to have been declared off limits.  I freely admit that's selfish of me, and this is certainly no time for selfishness.  But I'm talking about my feelings, and not my actions, which so far are still based on reason.

I'm not dismissing the seriousness of the coronavirus pandemic.  Not at all.  But if there's one thing that can benefit humanity from all of this, is that we consider other people first.  The only way out of this crisis is to recognise that we're all in it together.  But brainless, hysterical actions only exacerbate an already challenging situation, and create enemies where we should have allies.
So to all you harebrained hoarders I say quit your shit disturbing and leave some bowel towels for the rest of us.
So mote it be.
- g.p.